Funerals

We are here to help

You do not have to arrange everything alone

Bereavement can leave families facing important decisions at a time of shock, sadness and weariness. The parish will help you prepare a Christian funeral that honours the person who has died and places them into the merciful keeping of God.

The priest will listen to you, pray with you and help you consider the shape of the service. We can guide you through readings, hymns, music, prayers, Words of Remembrance and the practical arrangements for the church.

The funeral director normally makes the formal arrangements with the parish, but you are also welcome to contact us directly, particularly when someone is seriously ill, when death is expected or when you need pastoral support.

Please contact the parish as early as possible. A proposed funeral date is not confirmed until the church, priest and funeral director have agreed the arrangements.

First steps

When someone dies

The precise practical process depends upon where and how the death occurred, but these three steps normally begin the funeral arrangements.

Contact the appropriate professionals

Follow the advice of the hospital, care home, GP or other responsible professional concerning certification and registration. A funeral director can then guide you through the practical arrangements.

Tell the funeral director about the church

Explain that you would like a Christian funeral involving St Mary the Virgin, Stanwell, or St Matthew’s, Ashford. The funeral director will contact the Parish Office about the proposed date, place and minister.

Meet the priest

The priest will arrange to speak with you about the person who has died, the funeral service, your choices and any pastoral or spiritual concerns.

Christian worship

The funeral service

A Christian funeral gives thanks for the person who has died, faces the reality of grief and death, proclaims the hope of the Gospel and commends the departed to God.

Welcome and prayer

The congregation gathers in the presence of God. The minister welcomes those who mourn and prays for comfort, faith and hope.

Scripture and reflection

Readings from the Bible proclaim God’s love and the Christian hope of resurrection. A sermon or reflection places the life of the departed within that hope.

Words of Remembrance

Carefully prepared Words of Remembrance may recall the person’s life, character, relationships and the gifts for which family and friends give thanks to God.

Hymns, music and prayer

Appropriate hymns and music can help the congregation pray, remember and express sorrow and hope. The priest and musicians will help you choose wisely.

Commendation

The departed is solemnly entrusted to God’s mercy and keeping. This is one of the most important and prayerful moments of the funeral.

Committal

The committal may take place in church, at a cemetery, churchyard or crematorium, according to the arrangements that have been made.

Place and form

Church, crematorium or graveside

The funeral may take place in church, at a crematorium or at the graveside. The priest and funeral director will help the family choose the form that best serves Christian prayer, dignity and the needs of those who mourn.

A funeral may be held wholly in one of the parish churches, or the principal service may take place in church before a shorter committal at a crematorium or cemetery.

A church funeral provides greater time and space for prayer, scripture, hymns, music and Words of Remembrance. It also places the funeral visibly within the worshipping life of the Christian community.

A service at the crematorium can also be conducted with care and dignity. Where possible, families may choose to gather in church beforehand or hold a separate Vigil.

The committal may take place in church, at the graveside or at the crematorium, according to the arrangements that have been made.

The parish will seek to support every family with care, whether or not the person who died was a regular churchgoer. Please speak with the priest before assuming that only one form or location is possible.

The Church’s fuller ministry

The Vigil and the Requiem Mass

The Church’s care for the departed and the bereaved need not be confined to the funeral itself. Where appropriate, prayer may begin with a Vigil and reach its fullest expression in the Requiem Mass.

Before the funeral

The Vigil

The Vigil is a service of prayer before the funeral, often held on the evening before or when the body is received into church. It gives family, friends and the parish an opportunity to keep watch in prayer, hear scripture, remember the departed and prepare spiritually for the funeral.

Depending upon the circumstances, the Vigil may include psalms, readings, prayers, a short reflection and suitable Words of Remembrance.

The funeral Eucharist

The Requiem Mass

For a practising Christian, the funeral may fittingly be celebrated as a Requiem Mass. In the Holy Eucharist the Church gives thanks for Christ’s saving death and resurrection, prays for the departed and receives the Sacrament of his Body and Blood.

The Requiem includes the principal elements of the funeral service together with the Liturgy of the Eucharist. The priest will explain whether it is the appropriate form and how those present may take part.

Planning resource

Parish Funeral Guidance

Our Funeral Guidance brings the principal information together in one place while the interactive online funeral handbook is being prepared. It explains the funeral process, the Vigil, the Requiem Mass, Words of Remembrance and the choices that families will be invited to consider.

Open the Parish Funeral Guidance (PDF)

Upload the PDF as “Parish Funeral Guidance.pdf” in the Funeral Page folder. Fees and practical arrangements can change; the funeral director and Parish Office will confirm the current details.

Common questions

Frequently asked questions

Every funeral is considered individually. These answers are a starting point, and the priest will advise you about the particular arrangements.

Can the funeral take place in church?

Yes. A funeral may take place at St Mary the Virgin, Stanwell, or St Matthew’s, Ashford, subject to the availability of the church and minister. The funeral director should contact the Parish Office before a date is confirmed.

Does the person have to have been a churchgoer?

No. The Church’s funeral ministry is offered pastorally to those who live in the parish and to families with an appropriate connection to the churches. Please contact us so that the circumstances can be discussed.

Can we choose hymns, readings and music?

Families are encouraged to discuss suitable choices with the priest. The service will include Christian prayer and scripture, and all music and readings should support the dignity and prayerful character of the funeral.

May a family member give the Words of Remembrance?

Often, yes. A family member or friend may be able to offer the Words of Remembrance, or the priest can read them on the family’s behalf. They should be prepared in advance, kept suitable for Christian worship and agreed with the priest.

What is a Requiem Mass?

A Requiem Mass is the funeral Eucharist of the Church, offered in thanksgiving for Christ’s death and resurrection and in prayer for the departed. It includes the principal elements of the funeral service together with the Liturgy of the Eucharist. The priest will advise whether this is the appropriate form.

Can the parish help before death?

Yes. Please contact the Parish Office when someone is seriously ill or approaching death. A priest may be able to visit, pray, hear a confession, anoint the sick and bring Holy Communion according to the person’s needs and wishes.

What is a Vigil?

The Vigil is a service of prayer before the funeral, often held on the evening before or when the body is received into church. It allows family, friends and the parish to keep watch in prayer and prepare for the funeral.

Can ashes be buried in a churchyard?

Arrangements for burial or interment depend upon the churchyard, cemetery and the permissions that apply. Please speak to the funeral director and Parish Office before making assumptions or purchasing a memorial.

What will the funeral cost?

Funeral costs may include statutory church fees and charges for the funeral director, crematorium, cemetery, musicians or other services. The funeral director and Parish Office will confirm the current fees and any additional choices.

Speak with us

Contact the Parish Office

The funeral director will normally make the formal booking, but families are welcome to contact the parish directly for pastoral support, questions about the service or ministry to someone who is seriously ill.

Telephone 01784 259093 Email the Parish Office